Tag: parenting

Take a Break

Open letter to an overwhelmed mommy…

Image result for overwhelmed mom memeDear overwhelmed mommies,

Let me start by saying that when God made women he knew exactly what he was doing. There is nothing that God does that he does not do with purpose. Women are given the job of carrying a baby for 10 months (not 9) and from the day that embryo is implanted life as we know it changes. This life controls what you eat, what you drink, how long you sleep, and every move you make from that day forward. There are some nights that sleep is just out of the question and I am not just referring to the infant stage. This goes on even as they grow. I can remember being an adult and my mother sat up all night in an emergency room with me even though she had work in the morning. Those beginning stages of waking up every 2-3 hours, constant crying, and non-verbal cues you are still trying to decipher set us up for what comes later in life. The thing is being a mommy does not mean that life around you stops. Food still has to be cooked, laundry done, work completed, homework if you are in school, house cleaned, etc. I cannot count on one hand how many times I heard a friend complain that she was not even sure how to squeeze in taking a shower. When you are not a mommy you laugh and you tell them stop complaining. When you become a mommy you stop laughing at their complaints because they become your own. Your whole day is built on a routine centered around this life you have. The crazy part is, I only have one. You mommies with multiples are the true epitome of strength. It takes a lot of energy as well as balance to be able to work full time and be full time mom. If you are like me and have to find time to do homework in between all that then you will realize why I titled this overwhelmed mom. My day is filled with running around, cleaning up the same room 3-4 times, trying to decide what we should eat and hoping that Jayden will eat it and not dump it on the floor, trying to make meetings, making sure bills are taken care of, keeping up with my homework assignments, and making sure I spend quality time with my son and not just stick him in a room with a tv and some toys. I do laundry daily and by time I fold it, it is in a messy pile on the floor from him playing in it. We prioritize our time and some of us mommies even schedule everything out in the hopes that things run smooth but then life happens. They spill something on their clothes just as you are ready to walk out the door. You get ready to leave and realize that you sat your keys down somewhere and it is a possibility your child touched them and hid them. You mop your entire kitchen just to come back an hour later and find your child sitting in a pile of animal crackers. You drive all the way to the school just to get there and realize you left the exact paper you drove here to turn in on the table because you got sidetracked when your child pooped after you had finished getting him dressed. You make breakfast for your child and maybe you have a snack bar or some fruit, potentially pick something up on the way. Every morning I am describing I have had. I have combed my hair in the car and even taken my son to a majority of my meetings. Mommies with older kids have sports and recitals and dance classes to get too. Let me not forget the husband or boyfriend who basically serves as another child looking for attention (not all but a good majority). Then you have the days where it seems like nothing you do works and your child is upset at the world and sitting down is not an option. I remember once I sat on the couch for a second and all I felt was Jayden tugging my arm because he did not want me to lay down. I was exhausted but he wanted to go in the kitchen for a snack. Then after getting his snack and attempting to lay back down, there he was again tugging because he needed to potty and then tugging again because he had hit mute on the remote and could not figure out how to get the volume back and then tugging again because his snack was gone. Finally, I just got up and said forget it let’s go for a walk outside. My thought process was that I would use Jayden’s nap time to get work done. Yeaaaaaaa, NO! If Jayden takes a nap then mommy takes a nap.

Image result for overwhelmed mom meme

The truth is when the day is over and we have eaten, Jayden has taken a bath, has pj’s on, and prayers have been said, my most peaceful moment of my day is when he cuddles up to me at night. Everything that could have went wrong in that day is ok because we got through it in one piece. Mommy may have been frustrated or even caught a headache. There is a possibility I screamed in the bathroom really loudly or wished I had a strong margarita in hand. However, if baby boy is good then mommy is good. Sometimes it is true, I feel overwhelmed as if I am trying to do too many things at one time. Then I remember God made women for a reason. He knew how strong we could be and the battles we could endure. God would not place on me and burden he did not feel I could handle on my own.

No mommy is perfect and that is ok. Mommies make mistakes, they lose things, they forget things, and they just want to cry sometimes because it helps. On the other side that mommy is doing the best she can the best way she knows how and every move she makes is motivated by that life she is responsible for. We all get overwhelmed with life sometimes and the key is to remember that it is ok to stop sometimes, breathe, and relax. Life will not end and you will not automatically be thrown into the bad mommy category. I would not change anything about my life with my son because he keeps me on my toes. He makes me question if I have everything together. So, from one overwhelmed mommy to another try not to worry because that smile from your child at the end of the will always make things better.

Take Care!

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Reality Check, Uncategorized

Five lessons society is teaching me as a mother….

In the year 2016, we are experiencing things we thought we would only experience in our history classes. People are threatening lynchings, KKK rallies are being held, black churches are being bombed, cops are being killed maliciously, people are marching for equality, and police brutality is rearing its ugly head.

My grandparents grew up during the Jim Crow era of history and even went to all black high schools. I remember visiting with my mawmaw on my others side, in Mississippi to her high school. Her graduating class was the size of one of my English classes I took in school. She showed me the historic drive in movie theater where they would go watch movies and talked about having to go underneath houses to go vote. She attended a historically black college and went on to participate in protest just like those we have now. On my dads side my grandmother told stories of being called a nigger in a grocery store while shopping with her children. My parents were born two and four years prior to the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. They were born right into the civil rights era which ended in 1968. Countless people before them fought for integrated school systems, which was achieved in 1954, the dissolution of colored only water fountains and having to sit at the back of the bus. They fought to be able to vote as an equal citizen and have the right to purchase homes in neighborhoods they were once not allowed to step foot in. They just wanted the same opportunities everyone else had.

Now…skip forward to 2016. Someone please explain to me why we are still having to march and ask for the same equal opportunities as everyone else? Some individuals might say, were all free, our schools are integrated, we go to college like everyone else, blah blah blah. However if that were the case, how come when educator and activist Jane Elliot stood in front of a room and posed the statement, “If you white folks want to be treated the way black citizens are treated in this society please stand…”, absolutely no one in the room stood up. Her response to no one standing was, why are you who did not stand and aware of what is happening so willing to accept it for others knowing you would not want it for you. My bigger question is, why are we still having this conversation in 2016.

Now…skip forward again…I have a son now. I have a son who will be two on October 19th and every time I look at him, I ask myself, will we still be having this conversation 10 years from now or 20 years from now. I become extremely paranoid every time his father leaves the house and is gone longer than usual. I have actually called the hospital and the local jail scared that something had happened to him before. As a mother, no one wants to make that phone call for their child or have that phone call made to them. Every time I am in a car whether alone or with my son in the back seat and a police officer is either in my lane or viewpoint, I drive a little more cautiously because I don’t want him to pull me over. Someone please explain to me why in 2016 I and those who like myself have to feel this way? I did not grow up afraid of cops or being told that police officers were bad. My father use to work with the K-9 unit for the Navy, so I never had a bad view of police officers. I have family and friends who swore to protect and serve. Why am I now afraid to have a broken tail-light, a graduation tassle hanging from my mirror, forget a turn signal, or just be in the wrong place at the wrong time? I was arrested once last year. There is a mug shot for me on file with the Virginia Beach city jail. If I am ever wrongfully shot by the police will Fox and CNN parade my mugshot all over the screen to justify why I was most likely shot? Will they treat me as a past criminal instead of a college graduate, a woman with a career, a mother, someones child? Will they dig into my past to find out every time I did something that justifies my being killed. The constitution states that ALL MEN and WOMEN have the right to a fair and speedy trial. Why are people that look like me and my son not granted that opportunity?

I write this long excerpt as my son runs through the house care free, unaware of the world he has been born into. I write this excerpt afraid that society will never change. I write this excerpt afraid that my son will always have to work 10 times harder because he was born black. My family who came before me fought hard and worked hard so that in 2016 I would not feel this way. I kiss my baby boy every night and every morning and wonder what hand life will deal him. What five lessons has society taught me as a mom?

  1. Even though legally by law me, my son, and those who look like us are free, we are still enslaved by our skin color. We will forever be judged and assumed to be animals regardless of where we come from.
  2. Not all police are bad but anyone who can stand by and defend their brother or sister knowing they have committed a wrongful act is just as much a part of the problem. I sell insurance but that does not mean I will stand by a fellow insurance agent who shows prejudice and makes racist remarks.
  3. All lives matter but Black Lives are a little lower on the totem pole and my son falls in that group. When Dylan Roof can kill 9 black people in a church and be given a bullet proof vest for protection, bought Burger King, and a chance at a trial BUT Alton Sterling can be pinned down to the ground and shot point blank range seven times for simply asking, “What did I do wrong officers?”, our lives are not as high on the priority list. What if that were your son?
  4. Raising a son is not the hardest job I will ever have. Raising a black son is. What type of life would 12 year old Tamir Rice have had if cops had handled the situation better for a little kid who had a toy gun? (Sold in toy stores everywhere) I guess toy guns will never be on the Christmas list.
  5. As a mother I will teach my son to love everyone regardless of color, religion, sexual orientation, etc. , but I will also teach him that sometimes the love we give is not always received back. He should be kind to those who do not look like him but realize they may not be kind back.

My job as a mother is to teach my son in the way that he should go. He should seek education outside of what he is taught in school. He should ask questions. He should form his own opinions and mind, not be swayed by others. He should treat others the way he wants to be treated back. He should be able to speak his mind but also know how to use respect when conveying a message. He should love everyone as a person and not place them into a category. He should be free to love as he chooses to love and be friends with anyone who treats him back with genuine friendship. He should be able to wake up and not be afraid to lose his life for being different.