Have you ever had someone ask you, “how can you forgive this person?”, whether it be a friend, partner, family member, etc. Have they ever given you a baffling look because they cannot understand how you could forgive someone’s actions they feel were damaging? I think at some point, we have all forgiven someone those around us did not feel was worth our forgiveness. The thing is, the only person who determines what is worth our forgiveness is ourselves. There also needs to be a level of understanding that forgiveness does not equate to an erasure of the act itself.
As humans, we are all capable of making mistakes, some we learn from, some we grow from, and some we continue to make regardless of the consequences. Those around us regardless of relationship have the ability to make mistakes that will personally affect us in some way. How we choose to move after those actions is what makes the difference.
Let it be made clear that forgiveness does not equate to condoning wrongful or hurtful acts. It does not mean that the persons actions are excusable. It again does not mean that you forget. Forgiveness does however mean, that an element of negative emotional baggage is lifted off your body.
Forgiveness is for our own growth and happiness. When we hold on to hurt, pain, resentment, and anger it harms us far more than it harms the offender. I always tell my partner that revenge is pointless to me because hurting someone else doesn’t erase your hurt. I don’t have a single friend, family member or associate I have ever lost that I don’t still wish them well. What benefit would it be to carry their negative weight the rest of my life? I refuse to relive the negative wrongdoing that was done to me when I can live happy and free of pain in the present. Knowing that I am strong enough to leave behind the anger, the resentment, and the hurt so that my spirit can move forward in peace is more powerful that even revengeful concoction I could come up with.
Knowing that someone who hurt me still has the ability to gain my energy is not me living freely. Until you can forgive, you won’t break the chains and the person will still have an unhealthy hold on you. You will find yourself years later still talking about that individual. I had to learn that my positive energy takes priority over any negative baggage I can leave at the door. When the pain of holding on to the wrongdoing in the past continues to follow you into the future, you have a choice. I made my choice. I chose ME, my peace, my health, and my happiness. Nothing else in my life matters. Without these personal elements I am of no benefit to my children. How can I teach them the power of forgiveness if I never find it myself?
Have you found yourself holding on to something you just cannot let go? There is so much self- healing in forgiveness and I am so glad I was able to find it.